At a Crossroads …

Another year has passed, many thoughts put down to paper, and many more left unwritten ….

If I were to psycho-analyze myself, I would say that I was in a sort of depression last year. My mind just sort of switched off – even my crafting suffered with many projects started and unraveled, or put aside … I would tell myself to snap out of it, be a little more interested, be a little more involved. And for a while, I would be, and then there would be that moment when I would look at something, and then the brain switches off and says that’s enough. And I was back to going through the motions of the everyday life and routines. Perhaps it’s an underlying tension because of the events earlier in the year. Or perhaps it is simply that I’m just tired …

So let’ start over again. It’s a new year, new adventures, new pages to write on. I’m looking to change the look of this blog again. It’ll give me something interesting to do.

I started this post two years ago – yes, two years ago. I look back at it now, and it’s still valid today. Except that this time, we are going through with it … retirement. And yet, it still feels like I’m at a cross-roads …

I seem to have come across a cross-roads. I’ve been talking about retiring from work for the last 20 years – yes, 20 years! – and now that I can actually take that step, I’m suddenly dithering … undecided … wavering …

Well, events at work sort of pushed us into that direction faster … management reforms, structural re-organizations, re-defined mandates and visions … Did I really want to go through that again? And so we decided that perhaps we should explore the possibility of retiring now, rather than later ….

On one hand, my mind runs along the lines of preparing for retirement, such as totally spring-cleaning the house – because yes, we have accumulated so much, and kept so many things that should have been gone long ago but stayed around for sentimental reasons, or the we-may-need-it-later thinking.  Spring-clean the house while the boys are still around and I’ll have lots of help with the lifting, etc.

Hmmm … that spring-cleaning never did happen. I think maybe one corner, so that’s some progress, right? The boys are still around, so here’s another year to work on that 🙂

On the other hand, I’m not really preparing or laying the groundwork about retirement,  such as where am I going to reside once I’m retired?  And what about the finances, and crunching the numbers?  Just thinking of that shuts my brain off, because I know that there’s not enough in the coffers, even with the retirement funds … I have made half-hearted attempts at arranging the finances; I have two spreadsheets set up.  Now, if I can just sit down and really work on filling in the columns …

Well, I had to sit down and prepare and lay the groundwork. We explored the possibility, and suddenly it was a reality. Yes, we will take the opportunity to retire now. We have crunched the numbers. We will manage, says hubby. He doesn’t seem to be stressed out over this. I am the more cautious type; he’s more of the “we’ll cross that bridge when we get to it” type.

*Sigh* I think I’m even more stressed now … On the plus side, that will mean that I’ll have more time to spend on the blog and crafting, right? We’ll see …